Don't make love so hard...

I feel almost as though i'm easy to fall in love with but impossible to love. This may sound like it's their fault, but I think it's mine. My life started with a man that wanted to love and care for me but because of his addictions he just couldn't. So, maybe now I subconsciously look for these kinds of people...these people that have so much going on in their lives they want to love me so bad, but they can't love me past all that pain. They've put up these walls, and it's almost like since I just gave up on my dad, and said ''fuck it you hurt me, i'm never talking to you again'' I want to climb all these walls to make up for my mistake. I was young yes, but I think it's all connected. As an adult your choices are a reflection of what you learned in those earliest years. All these people fail me, and I am constantly blaming myself. I break and get back up and throw myself out there again, and I love that about myself, but i'm feeling tired. Everybody is so stuck in the past, so in love with their pasts it's hard for them to fall in love with the things sitting right here. NOW. I know things can't be easy, nothings easy, but can't I get a break? Blah....look here I am making things just as complicated, dwelling and feeling sorry for myself. Everything is going to be okay, and even if it's not I'll be okay.